I am a mom and I am one of many out there. I laugh with my child, scold him, make him cry and also pamper him silly. I falter in maintaining the balance between being firm and loosened up. I shout at him for no reason sometimes. So am I someone who should be hated? Do I need to hide it and pretty up, put up the garb of being picture perfect in front of the whole world? I see many moms who say ‘Oh! I love my child. He is an angel. I never scold him…’ That gives me complex because I am not even in contention. How can one be so sobered up all the time with a kid in lap?
Right from the day my son was born, I was in a dilemma- the dilemma of being someone who was not nearly as good as the picture each one of us have of a mother or should I say the picture that is put into our minds. No one tells us that it is going to be an experience full of frustration, disgust (initially) and to top it all a tight rope walk. All everyone talks about is how wonderful being a mom is. Yes it is wonderful but it needs some serious jerking up of the brain. If only we are honest enough to pass on that it is the most difficult role a woman ever dons in her life and it is hard.
So am I the only one? I am now sure no. I was reading an article in yesterday’s Times of India ‘No Such Thing As Perfect Mom’ and it proved me right. There are good-enough mothers, difficult mothers but really nothing like the metaphor “Perfect mom.” Not even good moms.
It is more to do with the perception we create and we live with.
We have a culture of idealization of mothers. Mothers can never be wrong. Mothers are patient at all times even when the kid is stomping on the foot or crying in the middle of the road. Mothers are sacrificing even if it means giving the last available ladle of specially prepared batter to the kid and go hungry (in filmy situations) or cook something else for herself(in normal life) . Mothers know what is best for the child.
No, I am none of that and I admit it in all honesty. I get frustrated and I get angry. If last ladle of batter is left of my favorite food after serving all, I make something fresh alongside for my child and save that last pour for me. I love my independence, how can I let him forego his for my sake. I will rather not have the burden of overseeing his decisions too. But I will make sure that he has the ability to take the decisions and then stick by them.
On many shows you hear people saying that this is their mom’s dream or dad’s dream. This also reflects how much influence we make even on the dreams of our children. It is not necessary that they also want the same things but they go with the tide and don’t question it. I don’t have any dreams for him except whatever he chooses to do, he gives it his 100%. I will fulfill my dreams in my lifetime by myself with my companion.
I strive to be someone who is a good influence on him. I know the onus is high and I am responsible for teaching him right and wrong where I myself fail to make out the difference at times. But this is who I am – not ideal, not perfect – just a mom with no adjectives.